Beautiful Dawn

You're the most stunning thing I've seen
You're the most wonderful feeling I've felt
You've changed me around
I'm a better me
You've turned my life
Into a summer day
And I am happy
And grateful
For your gracious presence
Your love

Yet on those rare days
I will need to leave your side
I will need to burn my own pyre
And mourn the loss of something
I'd cherished but not protected well
I didn't lose it really
But in a way I did too
And so I will mourn
And there's nothing you could do
to change that or bring it back
or make it afresh or create anew
Its something you cannot do
No one can

But trust me, my love
I will mourn on that one night
And that one night only
And once I'm done
I will return
To no one but you
I will rise from my own ashes
And start afresh
Living the happiest life
With you

Before you love me so
You must, must know
That I am a Phoenix of sorts
Someone with a dreary, dark past
And if you can
Then would you
Would you please
Take me the way I am

Beautiful Dawn

golden love

sweet saccharine you, my golden love
i paint a pretty picture with all those shades
that make a rainbow look biutiful
i don't know you, never seen you
but i know when i do
you'll look something like that

you might not be golden
you might not smile
you might not have great hair
you might even be a bit trite

but you'll be something to me
no, you'll be everything to me
and i will be all that and more
to you and only you

nobody knows that the sun shines
deep inside my heart
and this sun is spelt just like you are
warm, aglow, shiny but far

someday not too far from now
you will escape from my heart
and flow out through my veins
into my life like a shooting star

that day there'll be a hop in my step
i'll wear a soothing summer flow(y) dress
and we'll be golden together
with your warmth, aglow, shiny, no more far

golden love

in my sky, in my sky

you started first
so, you were the one to finish first
the burn in your eyes
spontaneous combustion -- tearjerker
i was looking but i didn't see
mine were full of snow

i saw you bloat, float into the night
like a blimp, my frog in the sky
and then the morning sun rose

people owned sharp objects
they were prepared
but i didn't want it, i didn't care
you looked prettier in the sky
than when you stood next to me
said 'i'm ok'

you slipped so fast
from a sloppy flyer to someone who knew
there, quite simply, to a man you grew
and me, i stood aground
waiting for the accidental notes to dissipate
waiting for the bleeding fingers to sew new key notes
into another beating fist

now, i have fish in my sky
they float unperturbed, keep a look out
and i, put colour on canvas
to drive them away
from my
blackened heart

someday, not far from now
i will keep another frog, feed it to grow
this time i will do it differently
but that sounds like the same promise i made last time.

in my sky, in my sky

the eye

i saw my grandmother one day
she's been dead some 20 years
so her body was rotting
but her eyes were intact
i was in a train that passed by her
with a boy i'd only just met
guess she remembered me still
even though she was dead and everything
so her eye popped out of its socket
it was a very sunny winter day
the eye moved fast
and caught up with the train
it boarded the same way I had
and it passed by me
like it was a complete stranger
then it came back
and passed by once again
i think it was watery this time

it de-boarded the train where I did
it walked along me out of the station
as we looked for a taxi
it kept a watch on my luggage
as I entered the taxi, it entered too

the taxi moved up to the hills
and the boy held my hand
for the very first time
he kissed it too
the eye looked away
gazing into the distance
it looked at the valley
we'd oft frequented
when i was a child
and my grandmother was alive
the boy let go of my hand
and the eye looked at me
it seemed to want to say something
something i couldn't understand
how could i?
i'd only known her/ it as a child
i didn't know how to read it
if only it could speak
speak my language

when we entered our room
the eye entered too
how sneaky it was

the boy closed the blinds
and began to kiss me
the eye watered and left

after we were done
the boy and i
i looked for the eye, frantically
the boy looked worried
i said i'd lost something, important
but wouldn't let him search with me

i never saw the eye again
ever.

the eye

The Sun

It took exceptionally long to appear today
but when it finally did, it was strong and mighty
it seemed to say 'no one dare flout my will today'

I lay there in the open
waiting
as the wind played gently with my open hair
I lay there
for what seemed like an eternity
and when it appeared, it found me, immediately

It shone on me with all its might
It read my heart
that today, I'll let the sun think that my body and soul are its canvases

It began slowly
to devour me
and when the crescendo built
it burnt its way through to my heart
and something got released
something beautiful
something more brightly coloured than the deepest secrets of the sea

This thing - beautiful - it began to flow
from my heart into the sky
my sun's sky
there it flew without a care
the sun beaming, the wind dancing in its wake
then it looked down
at me, where I lay
and all around chimes began to play.

The Sun

This Time

Each time I say 'this time'
But this time it'll truly be
No matter it does last or not
I will cherish it, for eternity

This time is like Summer Rain
For an ageing and weary me
But who can remain unaffected
By the ever enchanting Summer Rain

This time, I'm giving in
Uncareful, unanything
I'm speaking up, going under your skin
I'm pushing myself or are you pushing me?

I do not know, nor I care
I just know that I mustn't let go
I'll hold on, I'll understand
I'll make amends, take and keep this chance

This time I will dance
Under the influence of you and me
This time, I will write on blank paper
Like never before, once again

This Time

This could be the end...

This scent – it takes me back to you and me

So quick; I’m overcome

I convulse

At the very thought of your warm, dark skin

Its not a fashionable scent this one

It’s a very comfortable, lived-in one

It’s the smell of you every day that I knew you

Every day that I thought would be the rest of our lives

This morning you walked into my dream uninvited

You were the same you, yet somehow different

You spoke about the new ‘her’ in your life

And I couldn’t take my mind off your promises

Of there being no other—besides me…

Music almost always accompanies this scent

A lovely, soulful riff

Just like you

This time around, somewhere in the background, someone is singing—‘This could be the end’

And I am surprised

For I wish it is—the end

I wish you’d leave

I wish you wouldn’t live in this scent anymore

I wish you hadn’t grown tired of me

I wish you weren’t so indiscreet

I wish for so much

That sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to wish…

This could be the end...

Unicornucopia

I just can’t get enough of ‘love’. Every morning, some say, I wake up with a smile; I know I wake up wondering (with a smile), how many are going to love me that day and how much are they going to love me—that is my elixir! Shouldn’t that be the case with everyone?

Sometimes we forget; I do too—we forget, what a few loving words can do, what wonders, what miracles… I wish I’d never say anything unloving to anyone; but I do, many times.

Sometimes I wish I could live at the airport, and every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year, my people would come and meet me, on repeat, with gargantuan love, and never tire of doing so. 

Sometimes I wish I had six pairs of limbs, a much bigger mind and an even bigger heart, so I could do everything that everyone wants me to do for them, not seek anything in return, and seal the deal with a big, massive hug.

Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t tire of songs like ‘Happiness’ and ‘Don’t worry, be happy’, and listen to them on repeat all my life.

Sometimes I wish that Rajkumar, the mongrel who lives on my street and whom I love dearly had a horn on its head, and could fly. Then again, he is equally amazing without all of that.

Sometimes I wish I could imprint on every person I ever met.

Sometimes I wish for my son to have been born at the same time as me; I wish we could grow up together.

Sometimes I wish for a whole lot of things that cannot come true… but its all right.


*Reference: ‘Twilight Series’; Imprinting is the involuntary mechanism by which shapeshifters find their soul-mates.

Unicornucopia

Nidhi and I and ...

Nidhi and I have known each other since I was born, considering she was born eight whole months before I was and ergo is much older to me. We are family friends.

She and I became close to each other at age 9, when I realized that she was crazy. My family and I were at her parent’s house for dinner. Nidhi, her cousins, my sister and I were all playing ‘house’ (how original!) and she tried to cook and feed us all ‘red beads’. No, they weren’t candy, they weren’t pills, they weren’t edible – they were beads from a string or a necklace. When she reads this, she will claim that she has no remembrance of this incident but it’s crystal clear in my memory. That was the day I decided that she was as crazy and twisted as I was and so we could be friends.

We became even closer, like ‘best friend’ types, which is what I call her even today for some reason, when we spent the summer of ’97 together doing our “holiday homework”. What we actually did that summer was – discover the pleasure of English movie channels that aired ridiculous films like ‘State Park’, 'Stepmonster' . We would watch them every time they were aired, and feel elated for reasons that are beyond me, now. This was also the time when we started hating our parents to a degree where we wanted to run away from home. Nidhi spearheaded the movement with her brilliant ideas – think she had me convinced at one point that she was going to leave home any day and would make a living by selling newspapers. I think I genuinely wanted to follow in her footsteps. Of course, that was the one and only point in our lives where I wanted to do so.

A few years later, after having given up on our plans to run away form home and having decided that our parents were actually quite decent and likeable we hatched a new plan – we were both going to marry the same guy, that too a chef. We were quite vocal about this for the longest time and would tell anyone who asked us if we were taken that, we were on a lookout for a chef.

About 4 years ago, Nidhi left for the States for a study program. Little did I know that she was going to end up making new plans that wouldn’t include me! This plan was a chef turned finance guy (I think that’s what he does) called Amrinder … and last September she married the new plan. I was so mad at her for ditching our ‘marry one guy’ plan that I didn’t even go for her wedding.

She sent me pictures of her wedding ceremony etc., and it was after I saw this photo that I forgave her … because who wouldn’t forgive someone who would actually get a photo taken like this!

So, in the end – the joke’s on you! 

Haahahahahhahahaha! :P

Nidhi and I and ...

tonight you are my chrysalis

when my mind is so full of listless words
and when my eyes cannot find their way to sleep
the world around still inducing lack of silence
i close my eyes and think of you

you come away and take me by my hand
infusing me with your passive love you give me
every calming thought and every loving touch
you are my chrysalis

in your eyes i can see the sea in mine
your skin feels like the lullaby i long to hear
as you tie every string from your heart to mine
silence falls on an ebbing tide

losing sight of the listless words in my mind,
slipping off to a world away from mine,
cradled in your arms and peaceful as syne,
i close my eyes tonight ...

tonight you are my chrysalis

Our Twilight

Did you ever think it strange,
how we met at dawn one day,
we were lovers for the entirety of a day,
and then by nightfall we went our own ways.

You poured your charm over my heart,
I sang a song - beautiful, to win yours,
The day slipped like sand through our fingers,
By twilight we were like lovers of years.

Its that twilight that I remember most,
and I twist and turn in my bed almost,
feeling the touch of that twilight,
of you, of our love, one day, years ago.

Sometimes I make friends with misery,
caged in the twilight of you and me!
and I begin to feel the blood in my veins,
become ripe with the intoxicant of our day.

Lift me out o'harm's way,
out of the twilight of our day,
where I've been stuck for years,
help me leave,
so I can find myself all over again

Our Twilight

by shruts - inspired by 'trouble sleeping', corinne bailey rae

some days I wake in my sleep,
and if you saw me,
you'd say,
'you've been dreaming'

not all those dreams, I know
are remnants of joy,
can be,
so excruciating

at times I just walk in my sleep,
looking for him everywhere,
and I know, I've fallen in love
other times I weep as I sleep,
tired of seeking his love,
I wish I didn't know, he isn't for me

i even dream when awake
oh! i'm so in love,
the pain,
as I keep waiting,

taking a stroll, a leafy road,
makes it seem I am free,
I know,
that I am faking

at times I just walk in my sleep,
looking for him everywhere,
and I know, I've fallen in love
other times I weep as I sleep,
tired of seeking his love,
I wish I didn't know, he isn't for me


------------------------------------

clouds and angels make toothpaste in my head!

by shruts - inspired by 'trouble sleeping', corinne bailey rae