Is it really that simple?

Is Romanticism that simple?

" ... we don't get married for passion ... we get married because we need a witness ... we get married so we have someone who can tell us ... you're life isn't insignificant - its significant to me .. your life will not pass by unnoticed - for I will be there to witness it"

Is that the crux? The root of the root and the bud of the buds ? Is that what companionship means? The companionship between a man and a woman who bind themselves together in sickness and in health, till death do them part ???

Is that what we crave? It is isn't it?

... for I know if I didn't at regular intervals in my life, have someone to make an impression on, be it a man or a woman (for this is about the mental aspect of companionship rather than the physical) ... I would perish into insignificance, stricken with melancholia, aimlessness, rootlessness ...

I am blank these days. When I think of what lies ahead, I think of work with as less passion as someone like me can possibly, dangerously have and I know this is what is driving me one step closer to the edge each passing nanosecond ... and it hurts.

I am eager now more than ever to have my old life back - a life full of turbulence like bad weather - a life replete with tears of heartache, of joy, of sadness, of nothingness. I am waiting to meet someone again who will instill in me emotions that will move my heart, and make it want to do all things 'insane'.

I am dying to feel that insatiable sensation of butterflies in the stomach every morning one wakes up ... when there is someone to please ... tasks to be achieved ... when each act natural or unnatural is as pleasurable as soft bursts of light upon closing your eyes, which smell infantile and heavenly.

Is it right? Is it justified? This dependence?


for i have no 'cause'

"our travels in america have changed me ... i am not the same me ... at least not the same me i was before"

is that what one looks for at 23? each one of us? is this thrist, this craving innate?

every time something inspires me ... from a centipede to che guevara ... look back in anger to aboriginal integrity ... i want to take off ... in order to find something ... something deeper, more meaningful.

But that also just signifies that what i have right now is less meaningful ... yet who am i to decide that? ... who am i to say that the house of dreams that my parents built 30 years ago, the world of joy that they created with their tender hands that are now tattered and sometimes shaky is in any way lesser than the dreams the world outside holds for me? ... who am i to say i will not settle for this mediocrity that i have inherited and not earned? who am i to think i can do better ... for what is better? more money or embellishments or services ?? what will i do with them? ...

also i will have to learn to live anew in them for i am nothing but mediocre myself by birth ...

yet if i do not explore will i learn to appreciate the mediocrity that is my nature ... will it become just social conditioning? for i will live in this mediocrity just because i was born in it !!! ..... by exploring other conditions wherein i could survive (mediocre or otherwise) i will eventually learn to abide by my natue ... to abide by myself ... to abide by mediocrity ...

are these musings of a naive child ... a duckling who doesnt even know yet whether she wants to be a swan - a beautiful one at that or not ???

will i live to do something great? ... will i revolutionize? ... would people want to know me? ... would people appreciate who i am? ........ do i want to be all that? ....... do i want all that because its fun to be popular and soothing to have many on ur side at the time of depature (of death) ... or do i want all that because i want to make a difference ... change the world ...

did all those who made a difference before me set out with a goal like mine ??? or did things just happen to them?? was life just good to them?? was life fruitful for them ???

each day i wake up and remind myself that in order to continue with this peaceful co-existance with my neighbours and surroundings i must continue to play my part in this play ... the part that i have been assigned ... for the world is a stage .......................


my dear friend

there are certain key moments in life when you realize how important it is to express your feelings of love, how importanct it is to paint a picture of your emotions so the one who those words are meant for can have proof of what you feel towards them ...

this is one such moment for me. and you my friend deserve such praise as no other and never before.

it might sound cliched considering you have written something similar for me but i feel that you must know that you inspire me ... in more than one way.

your love and compassion inspires me ... your dedication, committment does too.
it inspires me to see you the way you are with one and all ...
it inspires me to hear your words of wisdom, praise, positivity, love and encouragement to one and all ...
it inspires me when i realize you're not listening to me anymore for infact you're watching and praying for the dog crossing the road ...
it inspires me to think beyond myself ... to think of others like or unlike me... and take heed that there is much greatness in life and to witness it i just need to open my eyes and look ...

to you i dedicate this a second time ...

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go ,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart…

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

von E.E. Cunnings