beauty in breakdown



I read through the pages of a book at night and I can’t get through the night without putting this down on paper. Do we really find love in War?

Coelho in his latest book The Zahir, talks about people … humans going to war because the total power rush achieved by sacrificing themselves gives importance to their lives.
Love Actually the film begins with the message of love … ‘when the planes hit the twin towers the last messages were messages of love and not of hate’.
Coelho’s Esther says that when she - the journalist goes into a war zone she starts living life because any moment could be her last. She really lives, loving every minute, every second … there being no room for sadness, doubts, nothing … just a great love for life.

I don’t question one of the author’s words, as he wraps his words around me and I in a leap of faith enter the fantasy world … only this time this world is full of blood, massacre, gore, death … the black world of love and war….

With my minimalist experience of pain & grief … love & war … joy & sorrow… I don’t consider myself worthy of saying this but if not today when will I … never If I wait until tomorrow.

Does this really stand true … at this point both sides seem balanced … on one hand there are films like War Feels like War perhaps …
That make you sit up and take heed of the gloom that surrounds you while you spend your holiday nicely snuggled at home, biting into warm supper, watch the 9 o’ clock news …. Do your fair share of Tut – Tut and go off to bed ………… all this as opposed to the other side of the world where the sun is rising as you pull the blanket over you … where a white sheet is also being pulled over the dead decaying body of a 12 year old at the wrong time of the day ….. its no time to sleep little one … all she did was being born in the wrong place in the wrong times … other than that she had never laid a stone on a bird ….she had never tried to squeeze a mollusk out of its shell and she had never ever ever used one foul word for anyone …even the old guy who had molested her last week in the house next to hers … today while sleep takes over some of us ….this little girl is being photographed by the woman who is shedding tears over her body whilst taking the shots from the best angles ….where the light is perfect not too dark not too bleached ….the wounds show well … “oh what the heck… let me take whatever and however many I can… my editor is going to love it” ……….. On another side of this same world … just as you change your side on the bed while going into deep slumber … another woman reports live from the war zone to her channel’s television station in a fourth part of the world … she tells her cameraman to keep the flash on for another 40 seconds and get a couple more shots of the gunfire … but alas this cameraman goes and gets himself killed … he wasn’t fast enough … you need to be on a roll …

I can’t even remember what I began writing for …