I want to force myself to write,
I am too pacified,
too content, 
with my existence,
and with yours.

Nothing bothers me, 
irks me into the frenzied dependence on my pen as an intoxicant
Nothing forces me into taking refuge in the pages of some words, some story.

I want to, I need to, I would like to be able to...

Can this be real? Could I be too numb to write?
I am too numb.
For after deep turmoil comes numbness!
Or does it?
I cannot tell.
Can you? Tell me? How to get out of this, out of here, where I am, stuck, it seems, for an excruciating eternity?

Maybe if I hurt myself, if I thought about bad things, I would be driven into that frenzy, like actors are. Don't they go to a bad time in life to be able to cry?
I could do that.
It wouldn't be tough!
Wouldn't it?
I cannot tell.
Sitting here, unmoved, un-anything.

They say you should just start, start writing, anything, everything, just make a move at least.
That sounds fair enough.
Or does it?
I cannot tell.
But it doesn't hurt to try...



mekkanikal said...

A poem that doesn't rhyme but still makes good sense.

I logged back in to "write" for a change and I thought I'll see if you have a new post and voila!

Don't force yourself too hard to write, sometimes it's just best to go with the flow even if it's too slow. (now that rhymes!) :) and during all that forcefulness, you did end up writing.

sacredeastwind said...

Thanks for the sound advice :)

So did you? did you? Write? :D

mekkanikal said...

I did and haven't posted it yet. Also discovered some old drafts which reminded me of old times. Only if I could appreciate my own memories more often I would enjoy my "diary" posts better.