from the diary of a chef

i wrote this one sometime ago but posting it now ... 

I’ve been sending desperate tweets all weeks saying ‘I need to be physically detached from the computer’ but no one really paid much attention or came to my rescue. So, today I decided to take matters into my own hands, and at about 4 pm I switched my computer off. I am almost certain my heart skipped a couple of beats when I did but the ever growing bulges that used to be my eyes once, seemed to be desperate to get away.

I tried watching television for a while … like about six minutes, and then got really bored.

Then I tried to take a siesta (yes, some people do still do that kind of stuff) … and I slept for exactly 20 minutes. After my power nap I didn’t know what to do with myself. So, I just sat there … contemplating. After about 4 minutes 30 seconds my father’s voice started ringing in my head, "considering you’re not doing much these days why don’t you help out your mother, in the kitchen or something" … like, what does he think I do on the computer all day. Anyway, considering I want to ask him to buy me something, I decided to try …

So, I picked up the phone and ordered some raw chicken. It went something like this -
Butcher: Haaalo!
Me: Hello bhaiiiyaaa? One kilo chicken chaiye hai! (I want a kilogram of chicken)
Butcher: Hain? One Killo?
Me: Haan!
Butcher: One chicken matbal. (You mean you want one chicken)
Me: Tut! Haa-an wohee! (Yeah! Same difference)

So then, half an hour later he sent the chicken over. And I really didn’t know what to do with it … So I called up Sim for a recipe. Sim gave me her mum’s Lemon Pepper Chicken Recipe, which goes something like this … for all you copy-kitties! :P

Lemon Pepper Chicken, from Meeta Aunty’s Kitchen
(I don’t have an ear for detail, so the proportions might not be exactly the same but it turned out all right)

Take one chicken. Wash it.
You could hold your nose with a clip.

Take 2 – 3 cloves of pulped garlic. Like you could pulp it or buy packet-ed pulp.
My family really likes their garlic, which proves that we are not vampires, so I used like 2 tsp of packet-ed pulp since I was too lazy to pulp the cloves. I like the word pulp, didja notice, didja? Pulp! If you don’t want to smell of garlic for two days after consuming the dish, you should use a little less, one or one.five maybe!?!

Take one or one.five tsp of whole black pepper and grind it.
Better flavour than pre-grounded ?!

Now, make cuts on the chicken pieces.
Don’t imagine that blood is going to ooze out of them, or you won’t be able to do it. Blood is not going to ooze out of them! Seriously!

Mix the garlic Pulp (pulp) and the pepper, and squeeze half a lemon into it. And then smear it on the chicken pieces, and let the chicken marry-nate for about 20-30 minutes.
It feels like you’re playing Holi with someone who is podgy. Chicken-marry-Nate!

When the chicken has marry-nate-d, eat it!

Haha! Gottya there. Don’t worry Meeta Aunty isn’t cruel :P

Take a pot, a medium sized one and put some cooking oil (about two to two.five tsp) and some butter (about ye high … like what you’d put on your parantha if you’re Punjabi a.k.a two tsp)
Umm! Give me some tummy lovin’!

When the butter melts, add the chicken, and cook until it changes colour. And looks like so …

Then cover the pot, and let it simmer until it’s cooked a bit.
How would you know if its cooked? Just ask your mum, like I did. 

Then take 2 – 3 potatoes. Peel, and chop into big chunky pieces.
Ooh yeah! Now we’re talking tummy love …

Throw in the potatoes, add salt (about 1 tsp !?!). If the chicken has left some water, that’s fine. If it hasn’t, its not fine. So add some. Like about ¼ of a cup! Zen cover and cook!
No idea why Sim said ‘Has the chicken left some water?’ Why couldn’t she say ‘Has the chicken leaked?’ Will ask her. 

Anywho, once all this is cooked (ask your mum if its cooked or not), just like squeeze a lemon on top of it. And if you’re lucky and have some fresh parsley, then you could put that. I am not lucky so I put dried parsley!

And then voilah! I didn’t know what to serve it with.

So I called Sim again and this time she gave me her own recipe of Bruschetta Bread.

Bruschetta by Sim-Cat-a
Get it? It rhymes!

Anyway, so this one is even sim-pler to make.
See I did it again!

Like, take some butter and put it in a pan, and make it melt.
I know we Punjabis eat so much butter and still look so hot.

Put some finely chopped onions (let them just slightly change colour), tomatoes and fresh chopped coriander. Add some coriander powder (if you like od’ing on coriander like me) and some salt. And cook for like 45 seconds literally!

Until it looks like so … 

And then just slap it on some bread … I couldn’t be bothered to go get some French bread, so I just used regular multi-grain slices …

Like so … 

And then grill it, until crispy!

Just so you know, my dad seems very happy. But don’t go about thinking that I am going to ask him for that thing right now. I have morals. I shall ask him tomorrow morning …



Prateek said...

Iono 'bout the chicken, I definitely can do better;)[not that i dont trust Meeta Aunty, i dont trust u :)] but the breadspread looks cool, gonna try it!

sacredeastwind said...

good choice PS ;) this chicken comes out a little bland for Indian taste but my family likes it. Usually I prefer the dhania curry one .. :)