The way I see it, a good birthday is a proper holiday for the person who’s birthday it is. It’s a day when they can sit back and relax and be pampered! A proper holiday! (Can’t say the word holiday enough times.)
Although I would like to stick to this utopian dream every year and allow those around me to indulge me, and treat me supersized-supersweet, unfortunately I am not allowed such liberties! Why, you ask. Well, simply because my birthday is on the 31st of December, the day the whole world, and not just my immediate world is hopped up on sugar and excitement to party the night away with their “loved ones” into the New Year.
Now, I must surely have some loved ones who want to party the night away with me, you would say! Yes, you would be correct in saying that but the thing is … the thing is … what is the thing?
Well, the thing is complicated, there are multifarious issues involved on various levels, and it has taken me 26 years to figure the whole thing out and see the light … Of course, I don’t expect you to see my point of view or understand it in 10 minutes but here goes …
The thing is, my immediate loved ones do try and make the day special for me as per their convenience and rightfully so … they or my second-immediate loved ones have every right to spend new year’s eve the way they want to; to add to the pressure of planning a good new year’s eve party they also try and make my day a bit exciting, but that’s exactly where the problem lies … whatever they do on this day for me – is always second-hand! There’s always something else that they have to do and amidst it, manage time for me …
If they ask me whether or not there is something special that I would like on my birthday, my answer usually is ‘no, no, not at all!’ but I don’t really mean that. The honest truth is, just like anyone else, deep inside I do want them to do something special for me, I do want them to give up their plans for me, I do want them to spend the whole day hovering around me, making me smile, giggle, talk, do silly things … I don’t really care for the presents because honestly no one ever gets the presents right unless the person who the present is for has told them what to get … and that is what I do not like to do … I do not like to ask for things … I do not like to say ‘I want a chest for my room, I want a mirror for my bathroom, I want good stationery, I want a bunch of good films, I want to spend the whole day drinking, eating and making merry with my friends, I want to spend the whole day in the countryside’ … If I have to ask for it, then its not really fun is it, there is no surprise element, there is no welling up (oh my! I can’t believe you knew this is the book I wanted to read next, or the film I wanted to watch, or the cake I wanted to eat) …
But … asking people to give up their other plans entirely is asking for a bit much! Don’t worry, I’m aware of that … moreover do I do the same for them? I don’t think so … I just manage (most of the times) to make it to their birthday parties … but the thing is, all year round I try and do these tiny things … these tiny selfless acts of help/ goodwill etc. etc. in the hope that karma will round them up … and bring them back to me on my birthday … apparently (I realize that now) it doesn’t work like that, karma told me … because a) I am performing those ‘selfless acts’ for a selfish reason and b) they cannot come back to me on a specific day!!! I don’t understand why but they just can’t … Karma needs to work on its terms and conditions – they aren’t really consumer friendly, are they?
Anyway, four years ago I stumbled upon the perfect antidote to this dilemma … ‘running away from everyone I know’ … I hadn’t planned it, it just happened. In the winter of 2005 I was sent on a work trip and I was more than happy to go since we were going to a beautiful part of the country for a wildlife shoot schedule, my favourite thing to do, next only to writing …
On the 31st that year my adorable colleagues did their bit to make my day, by going through much to find a birthday cake (since all the cakes they came across were new year’s eve cakes, so they got ‘happy new year’ scrapped off one of the cakes and had ‘happy birthday’ written on it instead). It was a lovely cake indeed … but I remember I did have some issues with them later on, not wanting to go out at night with me in a random city full of rowdy high-on-testosterone-and-alcohol men on the streets …
But somewhere before or between that lovely cake and that disappointment of not going out at night … we went out to do some filming … And at some point, I think it was late afternoon, I found myself alone at the banks of the river Brahmaputra … and I found myself staring into the little whirlpools forming in the river … and I found myself staring into the setting sun … and I found myself in a completely and utterly tranquil state of being … I was fortunate enough to acknowledge that moment and realize what matters most … what makes a good day … what makes a good birthday …
The next year, I was fortunate enough to go to Kerala around my birthday … On the day of, my closest friend drove us around North Kerala … our mission – Beach Hopping! Although there were some things on that lovely day that didn’t go my way (remember my idea of a good birthday is that things always DO go the birthday person’s way!) there was a moment that did … a moment entirely mine and mine alone … a moment at one of the beaches with the sun setting, the sky all pinkish orange, the beach completely empty … and my heart at one with the voice of the ocean …
I guess what I am trying to say is that I realize now that the only way to enjoy my birthday (which is after all an important day for me) is to be at one with nature … even if for a moment, for just a moment …
This year I couldn’t have that … I am at home, in Delhi … I don’t know where to be ‘one with nature’ anywhere in this city being smothered by smog more and more each day … does that make me an unhappy person? No! I am all right … I’ve just come back from a long vacation and I am happy to spend my day reminiscing earlier happy birthdays and this holiday …
But next year I will need to get away … !!!
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