I without You

I scream
to forget
I learn
it doesn't help
It only makes
your voice
grow louder
in my head
in my heart
in my being

I breathe
I try hard
even to smile
it all seems convoluted
strained
estranged I stand
on the edge of a long bridge
it leads nowhere
but to the deep sea
and i can't jump
into it
for
you're not there

I wonder
how I could
be so blind
so closed
so lost
as to not see
that you were too
lost
amidst a crowd
amidst fanfare
with a fake smile
fake familiarity
nothing was real

I go
deep into
the dark crevices
inside you & me
and look for
something
we never had
something
you never wanted
or needed
and I did
I imagined it
but wanted it
I did

I lose
myself again
I find
the metallic taste
in me
in my mouth
in my being
in everything
around me
everything
bereft of you
your words
your sense
your being
your familiarity

I without You

Shoebox

You are my last love song
Beyond this I don't know what lies
Too scared to finish, afraid to try
Think I'm going to end this here
And let you fly
Away

Putting my heart in a shoebox
That'll keep it safe from all the ache
You might look down upon this
You might try and talk me out
I don't care
Try

I don't want to dance no more
Dancing just makes you end up falling
Fallen I have, this time too
But I will rise, never to fall again
Its too late
Goodbye

Shoebox

Beautiful Dawn

You're the most stunning thing I've seen
You're the most wonderful feeling I've felt
You've changed me around
I'm a better me
You've turned my life
Into a summer day
And I am happy
And grateful
For your gracious presence
Your love

Yet on those rare days
I will need to leave your side
I will need to burn my own pyre
And mourn the loss of something
I'd cherished but not protected well
I didn't lose it really
But in a way I did too
And so I will mourn
And there's nothing you could do
to change that or bring it back
or make it afresh or create anew
Its something you cannot do
No one can

But trust me, my love
I will mourn on that one night
And that one night only
And once I'm done
I will return
To no one but you
I will rise from my own ashes
And start afresh
Living the happiest life
With you

Before you love me so
You must, must know
That I am a Phoenix of sorts
Someone with a dreary, dark past
And if you can
Then would you
Would you please
Take me the way I am

Beautiful Dawn

golden love

sweet saccharine you, my golden love
i paint a pretty picture with all those shades
that make a rainbow look biutiful
i don't know you, never seen you
but i know when i do
you'll look something like that

you might not be golden
you might not smile
you might not have great hair
you might even be a bit trite

but you'll be something to me
no, you'll be everything to me
and i will be all that and more
to you and only you

nobody knows that the sun shines
deep inside my heart
and this sun is spelt just like you are
warm, aglow, shiny but far

someday not too far from now
you will escape from my heart
and flow out through my veins
into my life like a shooting star

that day there'll be a hop in my step
i'll wear a soothing summer flow(y) dress
and we'll be golden together
with your warmth, aglow, shiny, no more far

golden love

in my sky, in my sky

you started first
so, you were the one to finish first
the burn in your eyes
spontaneous combustion -- tearjerker
i was looking but i didn't see
mine were full of snow

i saw you bloat, float into the night
like a blimp, my frog in the sky
and then the morning sun rose

people owned sharp objects
they were prepared
but i didn't want it, i didn't care
you looked prettier in the sky
than when you stood next to me
said 'i'm ok'

you slipped so fast
from a sloppy flyer to someone who knew
there, quite simply, to a man you grew
and me, i stood aground
waiting for the accidental notes to dissipate
waiting for the bleeding fingers to sew new key notes
into another beating fist

now, i have fish in my sky
they float unperturbed, keep a look out
and i, put colour on canvas
to drive them away
from my
blackened heart

someday, not far from now
i will keep another frog, feed it to grow
this time i will do it differently
but that sounds like the same promise i made last time.

in my sky, in my sky