I without You

I scream
to forget
I learn
it doesn't help
It only makes
your voice
grow louder
in my head
in my heart
in my being

I breathe
I try hard
even to smile
it all seems convoluted
strained
estranged I stand
on the edge of a long bridge
it leads nowhere
but to the deep sea
and i can't jump
into it
for
you're not there

I wonder
how I could
be so blind
so closed
so lost
as to not see
that you were too
lost
amidst a crowd
amidst fanfare
with a fake smile
fake familiarity
nothing was real

I go
deep into
the dark crevices
inside you & me
and look for
something
we never had
something
you never wanted
or needed
and I did
I imagined it
but wanted it
I did

I lose
myself again
I find
the metallic taste
in me
in my mouth
in my being
in everything
around me
everything
bereft of you
your words
your sense
your being
your familiarity

I without You