bored & moving

someone recently sold tumblr to me, not literally, of course. it just seems cleaner & more suited now. and i need a change. i don't know why. sometimes things don't need to make sense. so moving here (http://songofsacredeastwind.tumblr.com/) for a bit... lets see if i last. 

bored & moving

el natural

When I miss you (wilderness)
I drive off without my shoes
With one song on repeat
And each time the song ends
I forget to breathe

-

So full of love
Brightly lit and perfumed inside
This constant rush
I'm afraid
If i was really with you (green meadow)
I'd explode

-

the day the wind sings to me

my body will rise into the sky
break into smithereens
of silver & ash
and softly fall
unto 
each part 

of this thing called 'earth'

el natural

I without You

I scream
to forget
I learn
it doesn't help
It only makes
your voice
grow louder
in my head
in my heart
in my being

I breathe
I try hard
even to smile
it all seems convoluted
strained
estranged I stand
on the edge of a long bridge
it leads nowhere
but to the deep sea
and i can't jump
into it
for
you're not there

I wonder
how I could
be so blind
so closed
so lost
as to not see
that you were too
lost
amidst a crowd
amidst fanfare
with a fake smile
fake familiarity
nothing was real

I go
deep into
the dark crevices
inside you & me
and look for
something
we never had
something
you never wanted
or needed
and I did
I imagined it
but wanted it
I did

I lose
myself again
I find
the metallic taste
in me
in my mouth
in my being
in everything
around me
everything
bereft of you
your words
your sense
your being
your familiarity

I without You

Shoebox

You are my last love song
Beyond this I don't know what lies
Too scared to finish, afraid to try
Think I'm going to end this here
And let you fly
Away

Putting my heart in a shoebox
That'll keep it safe from all the ache
You might look down upon this
You might try and talk me out
I don't care
Try

I don't want to dance no more
Dancing just makes you end up falling
Fallen I have, this time too
But I will rise, never to fall again
Its too late
Goodbye

Shoebox

Beautiful Dawn

You're the most stunning thing I've seen
You're the most wonderful feeling I've felt
You've changed me around
I'm a better me
You've turned my life
Into a summer day
And I am happy
And grateful
For your gracious presence
Your love

Yet on those rare days
I will need to leave your side
I will need to burn my own pyre
And mourn the loss of something
I'd cherished but not protected well
I didn't lose it really
But in a way I did too
And so I will mourn
And there's nothing you could do
to change that or bring it back
or make it afresh or create anew
Its something you cannot do
No one can

But trust me, my love
I will mourn on that one night
And that one night only
And once I'm done
I will return
To no one but you
I will rise from my own ashes
And start afresh
Living the happiest life
With you

Before you love me so
You must, must know
That I am a Phoenix of sorts
Someone with a dreary, dark past
And if you can
Then would you
Would you please
Take me the way I am

Beautiful Dawn

golden love

sweet saccharine you, my golden love
i paint a pretty picture with all those shades
that make a rainbow look biutiful
i don't know you, never seen you
but i know when i do
you'll look something like that

you might not be golden
you might not smile
you might not have great hair
you might even be a bit trite

but you'll be something to me
no, you'll be everything to me
and i will be all that and more
to you and only you

nobody knows that the sun shines
deep inside my heart
and this sun is spelt just like you are
warm, aglow, shiny but far

someday not too far from now
you will escape from my heart
and flow out through my veins
into my life like a shooting star

that day there'll be a hop in my step
i'll wear a soothing summer flow(y) dress
and we'll be golden together
with your warmth, aglow, shiny, no more far

golden love

in my sky, in my sky

you started first
so, you were the one to finish first
the burn in your eyes
spontaneous combustion -- tearjerker
i was looking but i didn't see
mine were full of snow

i saw you bloat, float into the night
like a blimp, my frog in the sky
and then the morning sun rose

people owned sharp objects
they were prepared
but i didn't want it, i didn't care
you looked prettier in the sky
than when you stood next to me
said 'i'm ok'

you slipped so fast
from a sloppy flyer to someone who knew
there, quite simply, to a man you grew
and me, i stood aground
waiting for the accidental notes to dissipate
waiting for the bleeding fingers to sew new key notes
into another beating fist

now, i have fish in my sky
they float unperturbed, keep a look out
and i, put colour on canvas
to drive them away
from my
blackened heart

someday, not far from now
i will keep another frog, feed it to grow
this time i will do it differently
but that sounds like the same promise i made last time.

in my sky, in my sky

you and me

i can be sneaky when i want to be,
go into the hidden crevices to find
what you have been doing with yourself
who you've been seeing and talking to
and, even though i know it so
that you don't love me no more
i can't help but feel envious of the girl
you seem to so openly be crushing on

its been all of ten days since the split
you seem on your way out from recovery too
while i'm still stuck here in pre-op
moaning and feeling handicapped
in my wheelchair where you left me
wounded, bruised, beyond repair

that's what everyone always says
when they break from someone, something
you'll be fine too, you will
your life will go on and
you will wake up, and face the sunrise

i agree
and soon, i will

but for now
can I just walk the street that i've walked since birth
as if i've never been there before
can i shut out everyone and everything
and not be judged and thought of as weak
can i please imagine that it'd be easier
to have been hit by a car coming from behind me
and my blood splattered all across its wind-shield
than to have had my heart broken by you,
you who loved me so,
who's life i was
who was so lucky to have found someone like me
who was a better man because of me.

you and me

the eye

i saw my grandmother one day
she's been dead some 20 years
so her body was rotting
but her eyes were intact
i was in a train that passed by her
with a boy i'd only just met
guess she remembered me still
even though she was dead and everything
so her eye popped out of its socket
it was a very sunny winter day
the eye moved fast
and caught up with the train
it boarded the same way I had
and it passed by me
like it was a complete stranger
then it came back
and passed by once again
i think it was watery this time

it de-boarded the train where I did
it walked along me out of the station
as we looked for a taxi
it kept a watch on my luggage
as I entered the taxi, it entered too

the taxi moved up to the hills
and the boy held my hand
for the very first time
he kissed it too
the eye looked away
gazing into the distance
it looked at the valley
we'd oft frequented
when i was a child
and my grandmother was alive
the boy let go of my hand
and the eye looked at me
it seemed to want to say something
something i couldn't understand
how could i?
i'd only known her/ it as a child
i didn't know how to read it
if only it could speak
speak my language

when we entered our room
the eye entered too
how sneaky it was

the boy closed the blinds
and began to kiss me
the eye watered and left

after we were done
the boy and i
i looked for the eye, frantically
the boy looked worried
i said i'd lost something, important
but wouldn't let him search with me

i never saw the eye again
ever.

the eye

The Sun

It took exceptionally long to appear today
but when it finally did, it was strong and mighty
it seemed to say 'no one dare flout my will today'

I lay there in the open
waiting
as the wind played gently with my open hair
I lay there
for what seemed like an eternity
and when it appeared, it found me, immediately

It shone on me with all its might
It read my heart
that today, I'll let the sun think that my body and soul are its canvases

It began slowly
to devour me
and when the crescendo built
it burnt its way through to my heart
and something got released
something beautiful
something more brightly coloured than the deepest secrets of the sea

This thing - beautiful - it began to flow
from my heart into the sky
my sun's sky
there it flew without a care
the sun beaming, the wind dancing in its wake
then it looked down
at me, where I lay
and all around chimes began to play.

The Sun