is that what one looks for at 23? each one of us? is this thrist, this craving innate?
every time something inspires me ... from a centipede to che guevara ... look back in anger to aboriginal integrity ... i want to take off ... in order to find something ... something deeper, more meaningful.
But that also just signifies that what i have right now is less meaningful ... yet who am i to decide that? ... who am i to say that the house of dreams that my parents built 30 years ago, the world of joy that they created with their tender hands that are now tattered and sometimes shaky is in any way lesser than the dreams the world outside holds for me? ... who am i to say i will not settle for this mediocrity that i have inherited and not earned? who am i to think i can do better ... for what is better? more money or embellishments or services ?? what will i do with them? ...
also i will have to learn to live anew in them for i am nothing but mediocre myself by birth ...
yet if i do not explore will i learn to appreciate the mediocrity that is my nature ... will it become just social conditioning? for i will live in this mediocrity just because i was born in it !!! ..... by exploring other conditions wherein i could survive (mediocre or otherwise) i will eventually learn to abide by my natue ... to abide by myself ... to abide by mediocrity ...
are these musings of a naive child ... a duckling who doesnt even know yet whether she wants to be a swan - a beautiful one at that or not ???
will i live to do something great? ... will i revolutionize? ... would people want to know me? ... would people appreciate who i am? ........ do i want to be all that? ....... do i want all that because its fun to be popular and soothing to have many on ur side at the time of depature (of death) ... or do i want all that because i want to make a difference ... change the world ...
did all those who made a difference before me set out with a goal like mine ??? or did things just happen to them?? was life just good to them?? was life fruitful for them ???
each day i wake up and remind myself that in order to continue with this peaceful co-existance with my neighbours and surroundings i must continue to play my part in this play ... the part that i have been assigned ... for the world is a stage .......................
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